My nature is depressionistic. It began as a kid becoming highly aware that I wasn't good enough and it escalated into debilitating manhood. Depression is more than a mood. It is a full-out raging war.
Well into my preaching ministry I fought this nagging villain. I soaked many days and nights with my own tears.
Now, why would you need to know this?
First, you need to know I understand many of you. And second, it might help you to know that someone else fights the very same war many of you encounter. I give you not professional input. Mine is experiential; yet, worthy of consideration as to the way of escape from this self-imposed prison.
Depression is a selfie gone mental.
No one arrests us; regardless of how we wish to accuse another. Depression is a buried mind-field warfare and we must be careful not to step on them. We can blame others; yet I believe such charges are weak excuses. We are the ones who decide whether to let circumstances and comments take us down. We have the choice to resist.
I was notoriously weak at resistance. For one, I didn't know how. However, Philippians 4:4-9 urged me to practice thinking about the many things going right, with the promise that if I would, then the peace of God would persist. When I began to obey this divine charge, a new and surprising life arose. I'd never seen this side of the thought terrain.
As a man thinks in his heart, so is he.
I have not encountered the full-blown blues for years. Until this weekend. The past two days have shoved me backward into that deep dark pit. I felt depleted and defeated. It doesn't matter why.
What matters is how I will deal with it since it has reared its ugly head. How I let this happen is that I forgot God's rules of how to think upon the excellent, the lovely, and the worthy of praise. Thus, I had no peace.
A positive thing is that while I felt wounded--and still do--I knew not to let that injury be my master. I knew I needed help because the self of me was not sufficient. I contacted an elder. We met. We talked.
I can't explain release from depression. I know it cannot survive in exposure. Depression is the worst-case selfie. It yanks us by the nose to rehearse in our minds why we are so awful, no good, idiots. If we choose to live there, we will crater. It is a choice. For the longest time I didn't believe that.
So I was doing so much better until I looked at the Sports section today. The last-place Cubs beat my Cardinals last night 17-5.
Better call that elder back.
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