I HAVE BECOME THE PERSON I ONCE OPPOSED

I find myself practicing many things I once mocked in others.

That's weird to me.

I feel that I resisted many transitions along the path of being in the church partly because I was struggling to learn and partly because I did not want to endure the criticism of my cronies with whom I had joined in the slaying (verbally) of others.

Lashing out at others has some sort of holy euphoria that boosts energy enzymes...or something like that!  In other words, it felt really good to put others down for it seemed to make me look.....assumedly as if I were standing as some sort of religious big-shot.

I believed I was rooted and grounded in Truth.  I breathed to do so.  I swung the sword of the Word mightily.  From the pulpit I was loud.  I was mean.  I was disrespectful.  I was arrogant.  And...I was wrong.

I tried to stay in step with my training from good men and women.  Oh, how I wanted them to look at me, one of their students, and declare I never budged from what the Bible said.  But that very Bible began to cause me troubles.  The very Word of God I trusted began to steadily whittle at my convictions that I once assured myself that these came from the Bible.

• I tried to convince myself that the Holy Spirit did not operate in believers today.  I was wrong.
• I tried to learn the manipulation of verses to prove instrumental music was wrong.  I was wrong.
• I tried to stick with the doctrine that only Churches of Christ were saved.  I was wrong.
• I tried to hold on to all standards of the Restoration Movement as epic Truth.  I was wrong.

The list is exhausting.  

• I did learn to draw to Jesus.  God is right.
• I did learn that I cannot save myself.  God is right.
• I did discover that a true believer is to be ever-flexible.  God is right.
• I did realize that no sinner I can meet is worse than the log in my own eye.  God is right.

I am now a learner; in kindergarten with no hopes of making it to first grade in theology, sociology, or humilitology.  I have advanced only in understanding how wretched I am; and it seems to get worse.  Too, it seems my prideful criticism of all others would cease each moment I realize, recall, and remember my own religious smugness.

The kingdom of God is loaded with wonder and awe.  I would never have found it if God had not pushed me to become the very person I once opposed.  The bigger I see Him in reality the smaller I am led to become in stature.

The more I see my sore displeasure of personal failure the more I see that I must bow in worship of Him.