Life continues to take strange turns.
In my teens I wanted to be a big deal. Because I thrived on imagination anyway, my destination was surely going to be simply and wonderfully awesome.
In my 20s and 30s I was on my way via energetic striving to become...become whatever it was that I thought would equal notable success.
By my 30s and 40s it was my assumption that destiny and fame would be reached and I would have captured the unknown by having taken it hostage in the known world. My answers were supposed to increase. Correspondingly, my guestimate was that my questions would decrease because I would have garnered solutions to so many things.
Yet, my 50s didn't seem to endorse such a grand assumption. The longer I lived the more questions I had about my questions and fewer answers availed themselves.
Now in my 60s I am realizing an obvious destiny; the more I am me the more I'm not what I had assumed I would be. It seems that I've grown in ignorance because that which is to be known has grown to be a much larger volume than I had anticipated. Every time I learn something new, ten other things arise that I don't know.
I'm losing ground.
The older I get the behinder I really am.
It seems the more I know about God the more I seem to have increased in sin. It is true that the more He increases in my eyes the more I decrease in my own. While this is a good thing, it surely catches me by surprise because I had guessed that drawing closer to God increased me. Not the case.
The more that I am alive the more that I realize how far I have to go. That distance....is acceleratingly immeasurable. So age is unfolding a consistent and gigantic truth. The longer I live the less impressive I am to myself. The more I am...the more I realize how much I am not.
Anybody with me on this?
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