The spacious meeting room was perched atop of a gleaming tower overlooking innumerable solar systems. Royalty reigned. The carpeting was plush, the drapes were bright fiery red, and the table was massive extending seventy-four feet in order to sit the sixty-six dignitaries of Satan's most honored troops. Each a regional officer had been called in for a most dramatic conclave. The topic? How to thwart church growth on earth.
The Son of God had broken the impenetrable barriers of death three years earlier. Hell's Celestial Council was fit to be tied. They were peeved at God's unperceived and unimagined tactics. The Lord of the Souls had slipped through the back door of the grave and smashed Hell's overconfident gates. Things got ugly and opposing troops were bent on revenge.
"Let's get right down to business", declared the handsome leader dressed in an extravagant pin-striped suit, bright red shirt, and gaudy tie. The arch-reps referred to him as Sir D. "Let's hear ideas to shut down this newest uprising called The Body." Random ideas were tossed about for weeks:
- "Make the church illegal", piped Rodney.
- "Distract them with inner division", was Auria's plea.
- "Perform operations on every Christian", erupted Alfonzo, "that they might be blind while believing they see."
- Ernie and Earline, twins from an orbital system three terrestrials over, commented they'd like the assembly to consider creating attention-getters like sports or resorts.
The meetings continued with great power-point presentations. Slight-of-hand "Now-you-see-it, Now-you-don't" specials were offered at breaks in order to keep the minds refreshed. Coconut pie and watermelon centers on chocolate trays were everywhere. Huge tanks of iced Dr. Pepper were available to all as the heat was fierce.
On the sixty-sixth day, which was Hell's most famously celebrated holiday, Mercury Rising, the mini-congress was pulled back into session. Dotel of the Land of Estrada made a most memorable presentation. "What if we let them have church", she explained, "but we slightly adjust their system in a way they will feel blessed instead of restricted?" "Continue on, please", Sir D beckoned. Dotel believed if there was a way to get the Christians to have a meeting place of their own and could call it church it might be possible for believers to actually focus on the events at church. Thus, the church would forget its original power of connecting to their communities.
Sir D led an arousing standing ovation for Dotel. Many of the other ideas were passed simply as riders to the main bill. Article 666 was unanimously put into law: Plan a global take-over by allowing believers to have a location demanding their focus which will distract them from souls.
It might just work.
Meeting adjourned.
3 comments:
This was very interesting...my favorite part was point three, and the dude named Alfonso. Was that aimed at someone in particular, Terry?
Its true, though, the church can be easily distracted. Thank God there are people who can inspire the troops, and also that God Himself is not absent from the proceedings when people who love Him call out for help.
We are an unstoppable force...the global body of Christ, and we can make a difference in this world if we are willing to lay down everything we think is important to pursue the mission and purpose God created us to accomplish.
Another take on this subject: How to stop the church.
http://www.fluidfaith.org/thinking/2007/06/20/our-success-is-feeding-our-failure/
And Another:
Three quick posts from the archives of Backyard Missionary:
The 200 Turnaround — “I have always thought it would be an interesting experiment to get to the end of a Sunday service and say ‘ok folks - that’s it - we’re done - church in this form is over for ever. But we’d love you to keep serving in the community and meeting together, so why don’t you figure out what you’d like to and make it happen?’”
Discipleship Dilemma in Youth Ministry — “Money changes the way we function. There is no question about that at all! My mate Alan Hirsch says ‘the only true revolutionaries are those who have nothing left to lose’. And don’t we need some more revolutionaries in youth ministry, people who will not conform because it is financially sensible?!” [See also, Moving Beyond the Personality Cult]
Incarnational vs. Attractional Mission – “It begs the question, was Jesus a lousy missionary or was there something quite intentional and radically subversive about the way he approached his life and mission that we need to learn from and emulate? If Jesus were alive today … Would he hire a building, set up a sound system, develop a music team, drama team, and then do local letterbox drops advising people that they could come and be part of his church on Sunday?”
From: http://www.backyardmissionary.com/
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