Friday, October 23, 2015


Life continues to take strange turns.

In my teens I wanted to be a big deal.  Because I thrived on imagination anyway, my destination was surely going to be simply and wonderfully awesome.

In my 20s and 30s I was on my way via energetic striving to become...become whatever it was that I thought would equal notable success.

By my 30s and 40s it was my assumption that destiny and fame would be reached and I would have captured the unknown by having taken it hostage in the known world.  My answers were supposed to increase.  Correspondingly, my guestimate was that my questions would decrease because I would have garnered solutions to so many things.

Yet, my 50s didn't seem to endorse such a grand assumption.  The longer I lived the more questions I had about my questions and fewer answers availed themselves.

Now in my 60s I am realizing an obvious destiny; the more I am me the more I'm not what I had assumed I would be.  It seems that I've grown in ignorance because that which is to be known has grown to be a much larger volume than I had anticipated. Every time I learn something new, ten other things arise that I don't know.

I'm losing ground.

The older I get the behinder I really am.

It seems the more I know about God the more I seem to have increased in sin.  It is true that the more He increases in my eyes the more I decrease in my own.  While this is a good thing, it surely catches me by surprise because I had guessed that drawing closer to God increased me.  Not the case.

The more that I am alive the more that I realize how far I have to go.  That acceleratingly immeasurable.  So age is unfolding a consistent and gigantic truth.  The longer I live the less impressive I am to myself.  The more I am...the more I realize how much I am not.

Anybody with me on this?

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