MANIPULATED BY GUILT

Recently a quite overbearing person subtly placed a burden on my shoulders. I recognized their unfair control tactic and I sent it back instantly. It made me think of many of you as I wonder how many times you encounter pressures to act when you don't have enough hours in the day to meet the demands. I especially think about those leading in smaller congregations where there aren't as many to help serve. However, I can tell you that in larger congregations while there are more to help do the serving, there are also more placing demands.

This was a tough hurdle for me to overcome because I am by nature a people-pleaser. I don't want anyone disliking me. Memorial has become an encouraging place to work because basically none of the leaders respond to guilt-manipulation. We pretty much don't/won't work under it.

I learned from jumping hoops to keep people pleased that one eventually reaches a hoop that is just too high. And, as soon as you miss it....they are unhappy and out. If you don't know by now, all those hoops you jumped for all those years no longer count. You'll be dropped like a hot potato. It took me a few times to realize what was happening; but I was in their good graces as long as I performed as they wanted. That's not a good relationship. That isn't a relationship. It is slavery.

The solution to this problem is Jesus. If the manipulated will trust Jesus more than their performance, those needing assistance will have more trust in Him than us. Too, if those who are manipulating will place trust in Jesus instead of a person they will find that as one among them can't serve the family well, someone else among the flock will as Jesus knows how to minister.

I am highly sympathetic to all who have compassionate hearts. You are a target of the selfish. I had to learn to say "No" when I meant "No" and stick to it regardless of insults. We are quite willing to offer sacrificial service but we cannot possibly be two places at once. That is precisely why he sent back his Spirit once he died on the cross. Through his Spirit he could be more places at one time. It remains true today. You are not the saviour of anyone. Jesus is. If any try to place such on your shoulders, hand it back rapidly. Jesus saves. Not you.