I don’t know why, but my heart is focused on a segment of society which hurts too deeply. Occasionally an attractive woman will stop by my office to unload her burdening disappointment of being in her forties and not yet married. This concern is understandable. It raises huge inner doubts as to personal worth. Is there something wrong with me? Am I ugly or odd or both? Why am I able to have male friends but can’t find a husband? And, the same scenario of inner examination rings true for the single guys.
The answers to these questions are assorted. Yes, it is possible there is a character trait which turns potential suitors off. No, being single doesn’t indicate you are flawed. Rationale as to the whys and wherefores are abundant and I am sure the single-wishing-to-be-married could write volumes. My point is I’m sympathetic to this valuable group. Therefore, I pass along supportive ideas:
ONE: God may be sparing you heartbreak. Now, that doesn't help much. But listen to it anyway. (You aren't being charged for reading this blog and it's my blog!) Church offices and coffee shops are filled with long lines and longer hours of counsel and Kleenex. Homes are wrecked in hurricane proportion as too many were not as wise as you to be selective.
TWO: Some are called by God to remain single, others to remain patient, and yet a third group to make personal adjustments in order to be attracting that special one. If it's improvement you need to make, then get after it.
THREE: Thank you, indeed, for holding off. You could have been married by now....to the wrong one. Anybody can get married to somebody. You, though, seem to have healthy standards. Good for you! I see too many pass through my office for pre-marital counseling and I wish so badly I didn't have to do their wedding. They are not ready. Some have no business getting married as divorce is clearly emminent, but at least one of the couple is enamoured with the showcase of the wedding ceremony while they are blind to the disrespect and insult sitting beside them who is holding their hand.
FOUR: My guess is what you are looking for is not necessarily external impressiveness as much as inner life. If you are not married because your priority is to wait for the magazine face and body to sweep you off of your feet, you are quite immature. The spirit of a person is the life indicator for the future home. What one might do then is to find ministries where singles are engaged in paying attention to others. Some can’t find their charmer because they are looking for another only to be noticed. This is self-centered, self-serving, selfishness. If this is the case with you then you need to thank God He spared someone from finding you.
Life isn’t about looks and finances and education. It is about heart and drive and compassion. Learn to serve others. Avail yourself to those who are lonely and poor in your community. Give yourself away and you will find the real you. In that service you are very likely to encounter the opposite sex with the very identical burden to live for the benefit of others. You won’t find your guy or gal in the local bars or even in the singles classes at church. You are quite likely to find them dipping gravy at the homeless shelter or bagging groceries at the church food pantry.
MAINLY: You need to know you are okay. You are married to Christ….and if not you need to be. When you pray about finding a spouse, be sure to tell Him Thank You more than you specify the qualifications. He already knows your order.
It feels weird to write on this topic, but for some reason I believe there are those reading this who knows of someone(s) who need encouragement. Every wilderness has a promised land.