Of course I was sincere from the very first day of getting to preach for the church. I was pumped. I was determined. And, I was highly aware that much was about image; mine.
When one is nothing to begin with, much labor takes place to cover with facadism. Mine was to present outlines with loudness and meanness. This was simply to assure the hearers that I was powerful. I succeeded in such a misguided mission; but missed my audiences.
They were impressed....just not favorably.
When I was about my image, I was blurring sight to God. I was the focal point.
That proved to be a terrible and grievous mistake.
Those who aren't aware that they don't think for themselves are likely to take on the image of the presenter as to be godly. Really, that's where I got my training.
However, I wasn't thinking about God. Rather, my image quickly bounded to be the front-runner of all consideration. It still does not make it right.
When he quoted Dick Westly who wrote Redemptive Intimacy, Brennan Manning caused me sad reflection when he pointed to a mark of my beginning attitude; The old religious image of a vindictive, mean, and jealous God gives way in Jesus to the God of faith who cherishes people, all people, and has made his abode with them. Jesus presented a God who does not demand but gives; does not oppress but raises up; does not wound but heals. A God who forgives instead of condemning, and liberates instead of punishing. Woe to those who demand, oppress, wound, condemn, and punish in His name. It can only be said that they do not truly know him.
That was me.
What makes me sad is that because I wasn't sharp enough to pay attention to Jesus I poisoned the hearts of many who sat in front of me Sunday after Sunday assuming I was telling them the truth.
I wasn't.
I was polishing my own image of being God.
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