WHAT WOMEN OF ABUSIVE HUSBANDS MIGHT WANT TO KNOW

I never thought of saying anything about this until recently.  It feels harsh for me to put it into print.  But I dare write it that one woman be able to weigh possibilities of freedom no one ever voiced. 

It is a common theme that many American women are held captive in their own homes.  Eggshells are their carpets.  It is weird.  It is sad.  And....it is true.

I want to say first to these women that there isn't something wrong with you.  It is a problem the man possesses.  Due to the male ego he will blame you for his faults; for the family's errors.  You are not the problem.

All through the years I have counseled those who were living in hell behind the front doors of their houses.  They came to church as a family and served side-by-side as a family.  It was assumed home was ideal when it was quite the contrary.  Each has a varying slant to their story, but the core problem exists; imprisonment "'til death do us part" takes place on Main Street America.

Years ago I read an account of the only time Houdini could not escape deliberate confinement.  He could get out of impossible situations except for one.  He was confined to a prison cell in a northern state.  He did not break free.  At the end of the test the jailer walked over and opened the door.  It had never been locked.  Houdini failed to escape from an area he was never imprisoned.

The threat these women live under are very vocal and sternly intimidating, except for one thing.  They hold the key to escape for the door isn't locked.  Let me explain.

As soon as the wife announces she is out of the marriage, these husbands find their way to my office melting like candles under fire.  These bullies promise to go to counselling, vow to read their Bible, have sudden interest in attending prayer meetings, and plead that their wives not divorce them.  These grown men bawl like babies while admitting behavioral grievances. 

I don't blame them totally for they came, as little boys, from such grooming in the home.  No one has helped them to know life can operate differently.  No one now approaches them for they talk such a big game.  Yet, they really are little boys in need of serious and renewed training as to how to be good men.  They want to be; but they were basically shoved out the door into adulthood with poor concepts of what it takes to be a grown man over a household.

Reconciliation is possible; even probable if the wife will but swing open the prison door.  Yet, because she doesn't know it is unlocked she is likely to live in misery from here on.  It is highly important the wife swing the door open.  If not, the children in such a home will grow up to do one of two things; the boys will become bully men and the girls will become thrashing posts for bully men's words and fists.

I conclude by saying I am reluctant to post this.  Any who don't live in this fashion will wonder if it could be exaggeration.  It isn't.  It is my hope that it might help couples iron out a major wrinkle; for life doesn't have to be so harsh behind closed doors.  I think husbands want set free from this misery as well as their dear wives.

For those who might need to communicate in private and anonymously, you are welcome to write me at trush@memorialdrive.org.

Oh Lord, I do pray I did not word this in such a way that makes matters worse.  It is my concern that fear be replaced with faith and stress be shifted to great hope.