Thursday, October 07, 2010

I SAY AT LEAST TRY

I had one of my typical moments Monday when I just up and decided to replace the storm door on the front porch.  I've never hung a door before and I'd heard it wasn't easy. 

I called Gerald Lovett to report my intent asking if he thought I could do this.  He told me...Yes, you can do it.  Read the instructions all the way through.  Call if you need help.

So I drove over to Lowe's and picked out a really nice door with full glass from top to bottom.  Once it was depackaged, I read the instructions.  There were 35 steps (really) to hanging the door.  Another package would direct me to installing the handles.

Oh boy.

I waded in.

The door was slightly narrower than the door frame.  One step discussed shims and so I took care of that.  Then the door was too short leaving a two inch gap at the top or the bottom.  I hadn't really counted on that; yet assumed I was free to choose.  Wind and rain from the top or mice from the bottom?  Which would Mary prefer?  I opted for the gap at the bottom.

There was a 36" L shaped piece that might fit down there....but I couldn't see how.  I still haven't figured what that was about.  I'm sure it was supposed to go with the door....but it didn't....ever.

Once the door was hung, I tackled the brass handles.  More instructions to read which included another brass thing that could go on the bottom of the door to fill in that gap....and it did!  Yippee!

The hardware came in large hunks and dinky pieces and somehow the owner of this was to assemble it in such a way the door would open/close/and latch.  Ummm....shall we pray miracles HAVE NOT really ceased?

To my amazement I put the handles together and it worked.  Not to my amazement something didn't look right as I had the handles on the wrong sides of the door....and upside down.  So....I had to dismantle EVERYTHING and start over. 

It was a tedious process.  Starting at noon it was now after dark--past 7:00--and I willing to bend the rules to get this job over.  I took the handles apart, switched sides of the door, and reinstalled.  When I got done I stepped back for evaluation.  The inside door handle was on properly but the outside one was off 90 degrees.  Thus, I approached another dismantling/remantling.

Done.  No....I mean really done.

How's it look?  Great.  There seems to be one slight problem....but I think it will work out in time.  The door doesn't open or close.  It is stationary.  The door stands still....but the house swings out and back. 

I think I better call Gerald.

FOR SALE:  An unused white L shaped piece of metal 36" long.

8 comments:

WC said...

You probably need Chris to take a look at that.

Dusty Rush said...

Do you feel like you're misleading your readers by not mentioning the 2 hour nap you took? Just wondering.

Norsemanrm said...

If you put that sucker in the MICROWAVE I'll bet it would open and close....ya think? :)

Anonymous said...

Just loosen the wood around two sides of the door frame. Then it should open ... no problem.

I think that L-thing is there to remind you that you want to loosen the wood on the long side and on the adjacent top side. I think that big 'L' is for "loosen."

Then you can sell the L-thing, or stick it in the gap between the wood frame and the house to help it close solid.

Anonymous said...

Your story reminds me of how, during the Restoration Movement, they couldn't figure out where that Spirit thing came into play. So they got rid of it.

They duct-taped the spirit of man to the Bible, and called it good.

Tammy said...

Just be careful not to slam the house when you leave. :o)

Brian said...

Don't quit your day job! Very funny stuff!

WC said...

That is huh-larious, Ron!