I am in perpetual motion of change. God will not stop making adjustment to my personality as well as my walk. The more I get to be near Him, I hope it never stops. He seems to know life better than me. (Nice of me to figure that one, huh?)
There is one thing which has brought me much relief and happiness. I no longer need to be in control. I had no idea how badly that issue flawed my work; my life. I had to be in control. The less I was in control, the more I fought for it. Now, to fight for control you have to fight people.
This fight left me at the end of many days discouraged and depressed. I couldn't get staff or elders or church....or all....to make decisions the way I wanted. They could not seem to catch the slightest glimpse of my brilliance. My mother seems to be the only one who has really noticed.
But I was double-troubled. When I could not gain control and insisted (inwardly) that I have it, I could not discuss with others my opinion...because for them to not see the obvious made me mad. I was mad at them for daring to debate my obvious vision of how things should be. I know my mom could have seen it.
When I let control go.....I let arguing go. I learned that others might be right. Too, I learned I might be right and they might not see it. But it made little difference for God runs the show and everything will be just fine. He does....and it always is.
That part of us that just must go is our nagging insistence that procedures proceed the way we envisioned. They don't. They won't. That part of us needs to go anyway.