I have a sense some young leaders are struggling today as they feel fiercely inadequate. Therefore, I risk sharing what it's like being a seasoned leader. I am consistently embarrassed at my lack. In plain terms, it bugs me that I can't seem to catch the waves of sober input which would feel like I contributed to the energy of the moment's discussion.
Yesterday morning we sat in our weekly 6:00 a.m. meeting....staff and elders. I so enjoy it and yesterday seemed exceptionally rich. I had little to contribute as discussion flowed for two hours with no agenda. Wonderful concepts were tossed for honing. I soaked up the wisdom God had spewing from every person in the room....with the exception of one; me. The guys were on a roll. Mostly I made notations from their comments which inspired me to think about ideas they didn't even realize God was saying through them.
In this setting, and nearly all others, I feel the fool. I have very little to add. Yesterday the most I could muster in comment was a couple of goofy comments that got good laughs. That was it. I get discouraged with my seeming lack to be an effective communicator of serious matters. Mine is usually the joke part...which sometimes does keep the room from being tense. Sometimes I so wish I could get to say the deep thing which would wow at least just one somebody. Do any of you know what I mean?
So, for those of you who feel embarrassed about your leadership lack, maybe it would be good to hear from one who's been around awhile. I still feel the pangs of wishing I could say deep stuff like others. I know He uses me. I feel confident of such. But I still hit those many moments where I feel far removed from effective leadership style.
My hope is in the fact I am just getting started and one day will become more effective. The same holds true for each of you who similarly battle.